Recently, a Tarheel football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Fortunately for him, the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

Why don't they have Christmas in Chapel Hill? Because SAE stole it.

Why don't they have Christmas in Chapel Hill? They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

How do they separate the men from the boys at UNC? With a crowbar.

A severe storm rumbled through Chapel Hill last week and destroyed the entire town: $10 worth of damage was reported.

Why is it so windy in Durham? Because Chapel Hill sucks.

What's the first thing a Carolina girl does when she wakes up in the morning? Walks home.

Did you hear that the UNC basketball coach is dressing only 7 players for the tournament? The rest can dress themselves.

Bumper sticker: Teach a child the ABCs.... Anybody But Carolina...

New at toy stores everywhere: the Mack Brown Barbie... Pull the string and it whines in the voice of Mr. Haney from Green Acres.

Why don't UNC students duck hunt? They can't throw the dogs high enough.

What do you get when you put 32 UNC cheerleaders in the same room? A full set of teeth.

What does a Carolina graduate say to a graduate of any other ACC school? Would you like fries to go with that?

The only good thing that ever came out of Chapel Hill was Highway 54 to Raleigh.

What is the difference between a UNC fan and a three-week-old puppy? Eventually the puppy will stop whining.

How many UNC frat boys does it take to change a tire? Four. One to call Daddy and three to get the beer.

What is blue and white, 100 yards long, and has two front teeth? The front row at Kenan Stadium.

What do you call 30 Carolina students in a basement? A whine cellar.

Did you hear about the State student who transferred to UNC? The average IQ of both schools improved.

Most effective UNC freshman orientation film: Dumb and Dumber.

What does a Carolina student call a Duke student after graduation? Boss.

What is the only sign of intelligent life in Chapel Hill? Raleigh - 25 miles

Why did God make the sky Carolina blue? So we wouldn't have to step in it.

Why are they planning to resurface Kenan Stadium with cardboard? Because the Tarheels always play better on paper.

Bumper sticker: Carolina Fever is a social disease.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a Carolina graduate? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.